A guy whose blog I follow made a post the other day about things that "true gentlemen" ought to do. (Read it here!) I found it really interesting, especially since that's one of those ongoing conversations my friends and I have - how much we wish all guys behaved like gentlemen. You know what I mean. You're walking into a building behind a guy and he lets the door slam shut in your face. You're struggling with trying to put on your coat while balancing multiple textbooks and an umbrella and a guy is trying to talk to you. It's frustrating!
My mom and I have had some discussions about this lately too. In my church there are several young men who behave like gentlemen (at least most of the time) and a couple of them have offered to help out my 13-year-old sister before. Being in the guy-shy stage, she was embarrassed and said no. But my mom and I told her that she ought to yes when guys offer to carry things for her. It's polite. Here's a little of my reasoning about that.
Men are the stronger ones. They have a responsibility to care for the weaker ones, i.e. women. Throughout the centuries, this care-taking has taken the form of things which are just the polite things for a gentleman to do for a lady. When a guy offers to do one of things for a girl, he is acknowledging that she is a lady.
When someone gives you a compliment, you don't say "Oh, you're wrong about that. No thanks." You say "Thank you" and accept the compliment. So when a guy tries to treat you like a lady, he is giving you a compliment, the respect a lady deserves. You ought to accept that compliment and by doing so give the man a chance to show that he is a gentleman. It's best not to refuse it unless you have a really good reason.
I know that there are times when it IS a good reason to say no thanks...like when you have no clue who this guy is. I get guys like that at the college I go to, and no way am I going to let a compete stranger carry my things for me. Defin. not.
But, in the midst of all this, don't forget to let your personality show. Don't become an automaton, just doing things because you should. Try to remember and after a while it will become natural.
When I ride the bus to school, there's a boy that always rides it too. He's probably about 15 years old. The bus gets super full when I ride because there are so many students who are riding it to my school. He gets on toward the beginning, when there aren't that many people, so he always gets a seat. But once the bus gets full enough so that people have to stand he always gives his seat up to a lady, an elder, or a disabled person. It's so sweet. And the best part is that you can tell he is completely sincere. :) He's not doing it just because - this charming gesture is completely from the heart.
And that's the way it should be.
Great post! I appreciate the link! I think what I failed to do in my post was mention stuff concerning not only ladies, but elderly people, other men and disabled folks. But I feel like it's harder for men to be gentlemen towards women, since they can be quite the opposite. I might make a post explaining this a bit more in-depth. But I'm still thinking about it.
ReplyDeleteExcellent post, my friend
I think that it's harder because since feminism gained in popularity, men have become more accustomed to think of women as equals in every way. Yes, women and men are equal in value, but they're different in role, and that's something most people forget. But elderly folks and disabled people are not as physically able as men and women in their prime and that's kind of hard to forget.
ReplyDeleteThat post would be a great idea, I think. "How to Be a Gentle Man Part Two" Hahahah.
Thank you and you're welcome. :)